My head almost hits the table when I sink down into the chair, letting go of all the tension in my body, light flashing before my eyes. I sigh and whisper ” God, I give up. This is outside of my capacity.”
It’s almost 2 o’clock in the morning, my body is tired and hurting from all the sugar I have let on board over the last couple of hours as I’ve tried to stay awake. I hit play again and Bruce Wilkinson’s voice comes through the speakers on my computer. I’ve been trying to find a quote from his teaching for an article about the workshop he taught at. I need that one brilliant quote that hits the nail on everything he said, but it has been impossible to find.
Having gone through the approximately 2 hour teaching more than 3 times now, I am at the point of throwing out my computer and just quit.
But God is good. So good. Though I’m starting to see double and my desk is filling up with sticky notes of random doodles, I have been sweetly convicted by this message – over and over again.
Bruce Wilkinson is talking about expanding the mission through reaching goals that are impossible, but possible for God alone. I’ve been so afraid of failure that I’d rather try to reach a large goal – that I can accomplish – than stand on faith and say: “I will reach this ridiculously impossible goal set before me, and I won’t be able to accomplish even half of the goal – unless God shows up.”
I’m challenged to ask God for a goal. But now, when I have nothing left to do, I say:”In my ministry, Dad, what do you want done?
He says :”A hundred fold”, and I start to smile. I smile because I can feel the peace spreading in my heart. I won’t make without him, but I know that I will make it.
“May you never again be satisfied with results that doesn’t require Gods intervention,” Wilkinson suddenly yells through my computer and to the crown in San Antonio Del Mar in Mexico.
I panic. I hit my keyboard to try and pause the youtube clip, nearly tipping over the cold and dead Chai Latte that is dangerously sitting at the edge of the office desk. There it was. The perfect sentence. The perfect quote for my article.