I’ve started to become more and more honest with myself. I’m terrible sometimes. I’m horrible. I am prideful, controlling, self-conscious and spiteful.
I know The Lord is doing a great job in my heart and that brings me joy to know that I won’t have to be this horrible person for the rest of my life. You might think I’m too hard on myself, but I’m not – I have no doubt that God will come through in me.
Most of my flaws are rooted in the need to be great. My flaws are caused by me looking in the wrong places for acknowledgement for my greatness. I look at my skills and my gifts for those things, even in my character. I should be looking at my identity for greatness instead – I am the daughter of a king!
So I repent. But one of the worst things about pride is that you can become phenomenal at repenting from it! Sometimes my flaws tricks me to commit other sins! So what now? Grace.
In my last blogpost I told you that I would spend this next season of my life committed to growing in character, thus I am reading a book about mentorship. John C. Maxwell writes:
When the people you lead don’t believe in themselves you can help them believe in themselves[…] Let them “borrow” your faith in them.
I know this applies to leading others, but I believe that God does the same with me. He believes in me. When all I see is my stupid pride and spite, He shows me His son. I might just see the pit I’m in, but He sees who I will become. When all I can give Him is my pitiful heart, He gives me grace.
He leads me well.