The worst side of me

Have you ever been told not to say “I don’t ever want to go to (insert random country)”, because that’s where The Lord will send you next?
It’s mostly a missionary joke. The Lord will call you where you will learn the most.

God is not a bully.

That being said, it might not be so easy to go where The Lord is sending you. Learning requires breaking old habits, being placed in situation where you have to extend yourself further than what is comfortable and admitting that “I was wrong/I don’t know everything”.

I have never said, “I’ll never go to Canada.” But I have said, “Jesus, help me grow in character”. I deliberately asked God to challenge me.

On my layover in Montreal in Canada, I supposedly had 45 minutes to get to the next flight. With my first flight being delayed that gave me even less time. In Montreal you can immigrate to the US, so you don’t have to do it on arrival, which is actually really cool – unless you only have 35 minutes to your next flight leaves.

In the immigration I got called into a secondary interview and as you can imagine that turned out to take more than 35 minutes.

When I arrived at my gate – no flight.

My immediate reaction was to find the closest customs and ask where my flight was – (a question I could have answered myself). Then “what now?”
The kind lady offered to place me on a flight the next morning, but that was the moment my head exploded.

Have you ever argued with a person who has the most rambunctious arguments and you just know that it doesn’t matter what you say, the answer will still be wrong? I really don’t like that type of arguments, but all of a sudden I was that person.

The worst thing a person who loves communication can do is use communication as a weapon. I had the words in my power. What  puzzles me is – What was I trying to achieve? How could I possibly come out on top in this situation. I was just talking and talking and talking, until I saw a crack in her smile. I had gotten to her.

My first thought: “Excuse me mam’, but you don’t have the right to be frustrated. You didn’t miss your flight because of immigration.”
My second thought: ” TERESA, when did you become such a dragon, when things don’t go your way? Watch your attitude!”

I stopped talking.
I felt awful.
I could see I had taken away her joy.
I quickly apologized and told her I was fine with whatever she would suggest for me.

Later that evening as I stumbled into the nearest restaurant I saw her with all her friends. They were celebrating their friends birthday and she was smiling, drinking eating and laughing.

I told God once again that I was sorry and that I could have handled that situation better. He said: “Good. Now you are ready to grow in character.”


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1 Response

  1. This is good stuff, Teresa. I am someone who uses words easily as well. I can use them to fillet someone open without trying very hard. I think because it is such a sharp tool, I have to be extra careful: it cuts deeper than I think. Love the going-to-Canada-for-character part. Great principle there.

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